Waiting to Ex-Sale/Script
6:30 in the morning and the mall is nearly deserted. There are two people walking the halls, however. Jen: yawning "Are you sure this will be worth it?" Caitlin: "Jen. This is a once-in-a-lifetime sale at Albatross and Finch!" Jen: "I thought they didn't have sales." Caitlin: "Yeah. That's why it's called the once-in-a-lifetime sale? Think of how much you can buy with 75% off!" Jen: "Wow. That is pretty great." Caitlin: "I know! A whole new wardrobe for minor duckets. Come on, I want to be the first one in line!" Jen: "There's gonna be a lineup?" Caitlin: "Yeah, but the mall doesn't even open until ten. We'll probably be the first ones in l–" gasps and stops dead. Jen runs into her. Caitlin: "Oh no! There's already a line!" Jen: "Are you sure you wanna wait?" yawning "We could just go have a nap in the lemon." leads Jen on. They encounter Tricia in the line. Tricia: "Back to the end of the line, huh, Caitlin? Sucks to be you." Jen: "What are you making fun of us for? You're like, eighth from the end." Tricia: "Not anymore. Now I'm tenth." Jen: on "What ever." to the back of the line "Wouldn't you rather just pay full price than wait in line for three hours?" Tad: "Try six hours! It's going to be a long day." and Caitlin grin at finding themselves next to cute guys. Jen fixes her hair quickly. Tad: "I'm Tad, and this is Owen." Caitlin: "I'm Caitlin." Jen: "I'm Jen. Hey." Owen: "Hey." Tad: "Hey." Caitlin: "Hey." Jen: Caitlin "Maybe being last in line isn't that bad after all." ---- The opening credits roll. The title of this episode is Waiting to Ex-Sale ---- Khaki Barn is opening at a reasonable hour. The Clones open the doors to find a box outside. They look at it and squeal. The Clones: "Eeeeeeee!" ---- guys are sitting around the table, eating fries. Jude finishes his and fishes in his pockets. Jude: "Aw, man. I'm still hungry but I have no more money." looks at Jonesy and notices that Jonesy still has fries. He wiggles his eyebrows. Jonesy: "I'm not giving you a fry." pants like a dog. He licks his lips and makes puppy-dog eyes, still panting. Jonesy: "Ugh! Fine, take one!" throws a fry at Jude which Jude catches in his mouth. Wyatt: "So, how was the big party last night?" Jonesy: "I wouldn't know. My parents grounded me." Jude: "Bummer. What'd you do this time?" Jonesy: "Pulled the fire alarm to get out of math class." Jude: "That was you?!? Thanks, dude! Got me out of dissecting a worm in bio." Jonesy: "Anytime, bro." hi-five. Nikki walks up, a sticker on her shirt. Nikki: "Hey. What's going on?" Jude: another one of Jonesy's fries "Just munching on some grindage." Jonesy: "What's with the sticker? Joined a new boy band fanclub lately?" Nikki: "Ha, ha." shoves Jonesy out of his chair. "I just gave blood, for your information." yawning "You guys gonna do it?" Jonesy: up "Why?" Nikki: "Uh, because the hospital needs it?" Wyatt: "Because it's something nice you can do for society?" looks at them blankly with a fry in his mouth. Nikki: "Because the life you save may be your own?" picks his nose. Nikki: frustrated "Because they give you a free doughnut if you donate!" Jude: "Cool." Jonesy: "Done." groans in frustration and facepalms herself. ---- line outside A&F hasn't moved at all. Caitlin: to Jen "Okay, so which one do you like?" Jen: "I think Owen." Caitlin: clapping "Good, 'cause I like Tad! EEE!" down "Okay. Act cool." Tad "So." Tad: "So?" Jen: "So." Caitlin: "I really like your name, Tad. It's so original." Tad: "Thanks." Jen: "Waiting for the sale, huh?" Owen: "Yeah...need some new jeans." Jen: "Cool." ---- riot is breaking out at the Khaki Barn. Kirsten: "BACK OFF THE FLIP-FLOPS!" Nikki "These girls are like rabid hungry animals!" Nikki: "Do we really have to wear these?" Kirsten: "Chrissy said if you don't, I can fire you." Nikki: "Fine. But I don't have to like it." sees Kristen boxing up a pair of pink flip-flops. Kirsten: "Hey! Those are my pink Punticanas! Give them back!" Kristen and Kirsten fight for possession of the shoes, Nikki drops down and sneaks into a changing room. Once inside, she locks the door, sits on the floor, takes out her cell phone, and dials someone. Caitlin: up "Hello?" Nikki: "It's Nikki." Caitlin: "Oh my gosh. Nikki! We just had the most amazing conversation with these two cute guys in line!" Nikki: "That's earthshattering. Listen, do you still want those Punticanas flip-flops? We just got some in." Caitlin: "Ooh, yes yes yes! Pinks in a size seven!" Nikki: "Why does everybody want these?" Caitlin: "They're the hottest flip-flops around. And they're guaranteed to never give you blisters." Nikki: and getting up "Okay. I'll go grab you some. But you owe me." up the phone ---- is donating blood when the guys walk up. Jude: the doughnuts "Aw, sweet! They're serving Krunchy Kremes, my favorite!" Ron: the nurse "Take a little more. I lost ten gallons of blood once in battle. This girly bag is for...girls." Nurse: him "You've done your duty, sir." stands up, salutes, and walks to the donuts, wobbling all the way. Ron: "You didn't see that, maggots." walks off. The guys move to the blood-taking chair. Wyatt: "Jonesy, you wanna go first?" Jonesy: nervous "Me? No. You guys go ahead." Nurse: Jude and Wyatt some forms "You'll have to fill these out." looks around the donation tent and sees Lydia. His eyes center in on her blood bag, and he blanches. Jonesy: "You know what, guys? I wish I could go next but I just remembered I have this thing over there far away? Later." runs away. Wyatt: "What's with him?" Jude: "If I give some extra blood for him, can I get an extra doughnut?" Nurse: "No. One doughnut per donation and only one donation per day." Jude: "Fine. Sheesh! Pretty strict about the doughnuts." nurse puts the needle in. "Ow!" ---- line is still waiting. Jen and Caitlin are having a good time with their newfound boyfriends, though. Tad: "So, any brothers or sisters?" Caitlin: "Nope. I'm an only child." Tad: "I'm jealous. I've got three sisters. I have to go to the bathroom at school!" Caitlin: giggling "No, but you're lucky! I'd love to have a sister." smiles. Tad: "You have a really great smile, you know that?" Caitlin: "Thanks." Tad: "Do you wanna go out on a date?" Caitlin: "Definitely! When?" Tad: around "Are you busy right now?" Caitlin: "Nope." Tad: "Cool." to the front, Tricia is on the phone. Tricia: "When are you guys getting here? Caitlin is in line with some super-hot guy, and I'm stuck standing beside some...big-headed girl, and a band geek." hangs up. "What? You have a big head!" band geek raises his oboe. "Don't play that." ---- is at work, having given blood. Jonesy walks up to him. Jonesy: "So how was it?" Wyatt: "Piece of cake." takes a bite out of his doughnut. Jonesy: "So nobody like, fainted or anything in there, because I've heard there are like tons of people that are freaked out by blood and stuff. I don't know any, but, y'know." Wyatt: "Nope. No fainting. Good doughnuts." Jonesy: "Where's Jude?" Wyatt: "Haven't seen him in a while." stumbles in, clutching Caitlin's shoes. Nikki: them to Wyatt "Hide these for me? Those girls are insane. I think they'd actually step on someone to get a pair." Wyatt: "You got it." stashes them under the counter. "Why are you walking like that?" Nikki: "It's these stupid flip-flops. They're already giving me blisters! Stupid rubber shoes." Wyatt: "Want a bite of my doughnut?" holds it out, and Nikki takes a bite. Nikki: "Mmm, ah! I knew there was a reason you were my best friend." Jonesy "So, did you give blood?" Jonesy: "Oh, I went, I gave. Tons and tons." Nikki: "Where's your sticker?" Jonesy: "My what?" Nikki: "Your sticker. They give you a sticker to wear afterwards." Jonesy: "Oh, I must have uh, uh left it there?" Nikki: "You didn't do it, did you." Jonesy: "Yes, I did! I just forgot my stupid sticker!" Nikki: "I don't believe you. What's the matter, are you scared?" Jonesy: "Yeah right, as if! Fine. I'll go get my sticker, will that make you feel better?!?" Nikki: "I don't care whether you do it or not, Jonesy." Jonesy: "Because I can, and I will." Nikki: "Okay then." Jonesy: "Okay. I'll just go get it then." leaves. ---- the donation tent, Coach Halder has just given blood. On the chair beside him lies a man in a sombrero. Coach Halder: up "Hup! Oh yeah, that's nice. Now where's my doughnut with sprinkles?" Nurse: "The doughnuts are at the exit, sir." Halder goes to get one, and Jonesy walks up to her. Coach Halder: "Ooh, wow!" Jonesy: "Hi, I was here earlier, and I was wondering if I can get my sticker." Nurse: "You have to give blood to get a sticker." Jonesy: "Yeah, but see, it's not for me, it's for my friend." Nurse: "I gave your friend stickers already." Jonesy: "Can't you just spare one sticker?" Nurse: "Oh, let me think...no." Jonesy: out his wallet "Okay, how much do you want for one?" Nurse: "One pint will about do it." Jonesy: "Fine! Hook me up, sister!" sits down on a table. He gasps as the nurse readies the needle, and blanches at the sight of its tip. Jonesy: up, nervous "You know what, I think I'll come back after lunch." Nurse: sarcastic "I can't wait." is exiting when he notices a familiar guise under the sombrero. Jonesy: "Jude? Is that you?" Jude: quietly "Ssh. I'm in disguise so I can give blood again." Jonesy: whispering "Why?" Jude: quietly "I was still hungry." Nurse: over "If you're not going to give blood, you're going to have to leave." Jonesy: "Okay! I'm going, I'm going!" leaves. Nurse: "I'm sorry, Mr. Rodriguez, was that young man bothering you?" Jude: an accent "No, not too much." Nurse: "Well, you're almost done. And then I've got a chocolate doughnut with your name on it." Jude: "Sweet!" his accent back "I mean, gracias, senora." ---- newfound couples are sitting down against the windows of Albatross & Finch. Caitlin: "So how many kids do you want?" Tad: "Two or three." Caitlin: "Me too." Nikki: limping "Ouch! Ah!" Jen: "Nikki?" Nikki: "Stupid rubber shoes. And I thought the flip-flop mob was bad." Jen: "The line hasn't moved an inch! But, on a positive note, I think Caitlin's in love." Nikki: "Yeah, I heard. And you?" Jen: "I dunno. He is pretty cute." Nikki: "I gotta go back to work. Carry on." limps away. "Ow!" Tad: "Okay. So we'll live in a beach house." Caitlin: "With a great big deck?" Tad: "And a basketball court!" Caitlin: jolted "Oh. A basketball court?" Tad: "Oh yeah. And I have this dream to paint one whole room orange." Caitlin: "Orange? Ew!" Tad: "What? I like orange. It's cool." Caitlin: "Yeah, for a boat or a ski jacket. Not for a house, schmoopy." Tad: "So how about just one room, like the living room?" looks at him. "Bedroom?" Caitlin: "Mmm..." Tad: "So you get to pick all the colors, and I don't get to pick any." Caitlin: "It's just that orange is so...orange." Tad: "Fine. We won't have any orange." turns his back on her. Caitlin: "Fine!" reconsidering "Okay, what about an orange bathroom?" Tad: "Deal!" kiss. Caitlin: "A small one." ---- creeps up to the tent. Jonesy: himself "Okay. You can do this. It's just a little needle. They're aren't gonna take anything you need." takes a deep breath and walks inside. One step in, he stops and leaves. "Darn it! Darn it! Stupid blood!" sees a redhead in a tennis dress inside. "What's happening, hottie?" Jude: a doughnut "Not much, dude." Jonesy: "Aaah! Jude!" Jude: chuckling "You called me a hottie." Jonesy: "Dude, what are you doing? Did you just give blood again?" Jude: "Heck yes! These doughnuts are so good. And they're free." Jonesy: "They're not free! You're giving them your blood, dude!" Jude: "Yeah, but it's not like I need all of it. And, if they think you're someone else, they keep letting you come back." Jonesy: "Well can I have your new sticker?" Jude: "No way, dude, it's mine." Jonesy: "Fine! I'll just go get my own!" walks into the tent, where Julie is donating blood. Nurse: "Oh, it's you again." Jonesy: "Okay, I'm gonna give you some of my blood, but no funny stuff. No big movements or hitting arteries and no blood gushing out like in Horror on Prom Night. Got it?" Nurse: "I have done this before." Jonesy: the form "Right. Okay then." nurse takes the paperwork away and comes back with rubber tape. She ties it around Jonesy's arm and pats it. Jonesy leaps up. Jonesy: "What are you doing that for?" Nurse: "I'm looking for the vein." Jonesy: scared "What? Why?" Nurse: "That's where the blood comes from." Jonesy: "Oh. Right. Okay." sits down again, and the nurse prepares to put the needle in. "Wait! Has anyone, uh, you know, ever died giving blood?" Nurse: "Not that I'm aware of. Now hold still." Jonesy: "Wait! I-I don't know my blood type. What if I'm the wrong one?" Nurse: "We need all types, sir. Now, are you gonna be ready soon, or should I pull up a chair and a good book?" exhales deeply. Jonesy: "Okay. Ready." nurse lowers the needle slowly. Jonesy leaps up. Jonesy: "Yeah, I'm not ready. I don't get my sticker or my doughnut, do I?" Nurse: "What do you think?" Jonesy: "Fine! Keep your stupid sticker. And by the way, I can buy a doughnut, you know. They only cost a dollar." storms away from the donation tent. ---- and Caitlin are kissing while Jen and Owen play with cards. Jen: "I think they've only let, like, twenty people in so far." and Mandy walk by, stepping on her hand. "Ow!" and Mandy join Tricia. The three immediately start talking and giggling. "Hey. Hey! You can't just butt in line like that! We've been waiting in this line for four hours!" Tricia: "I was saving their spots." Big-Haired Girl: "She's right! You can't hold two spaces in line!" Tricia: "You would agree with her, bighead." Caitlin: "You can't do that!" pretty girl walks by, and Tad stares at her. "Tad, tell her she can't do that." turns back to Caitlin as soon as the girl is gone. "What was that?" Tad: "What was what?" Caitlin: "I saw you! You were staring at that girl!" Tad: "No I wasn't!" Caitlin: "Yes you were! She was walking by, and you were staring at her!" Big-Haired Girl: "I saw the whole thing. You were staring at her." Caitlin: "See? The girl with the big head saw the whole thing." line laughs at the big-headed girl. Tad: "Schmoopykins! You're being paranoid. I swear, you're the only one for me. Look. Come on. Love you." Caitlin: up some "Love you more." hug, although Caitlin is still not satisfied. ---- dressed as a policeman, is making small talk with Ron. Ron: "Word on the street is that some punks were trying to steal free doughnuts. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?" Jude: a cop accent "The nerve." takes a doughnut and starts eating it. ---- Caitlin: "But...I thought we'd be spending Saturday night together." Tad: "Whoa. This is getting a little intense. I-I just need some space." Caitlin: "Oh, what, so we're already in a rut? I thought you loved me!" Tad: "I do." Caitlin: "Yeah right. Or maybe you just want to ask that cute girl who walked by out on a date." and Owen gasp, shocked. Tad: "You know, this jealousy thing is getting a little out of hand." Caitlin: up "So what are you saying?" Tad: "I think we need to take a break." Caitlin: "You mean break up?" Tad: "Yeah. I don't think I'm ready for a serious relationship after all." Caitlin: to Jen "Jen, Tad broke up with me!" Jen: her friend "Aw, it's okay, Caitlin. No, don't cry." gives Tad a dirty look. ---- is at the table, massaging her foot, which is red and sore and ugly. Jonesy and Wyatt walk up. Nikki: "Hey Jonesy. Still stickerless, I see." Jonesy: "Hey Nikki. Still crusty, I see." blows a raspberry at him. Wyatt: "Have you guys seen Jude?" Nikki: "No. Why?" Wyatt: "He never came in to work today." Nikki: "Jude!" runs over to Jude, who is dressed like a swami and limping. "What's wrong with you?" sits down, setting his skateboard on the table. Stickers are all along the bottom of it. Wyatt: "Where did you get all of these?" Jude: groggy "The nurse gave them to me." Nikki: "And what is that all over your mouth?" Wyatt: "They're sprinkles! How many times did you give blood today?" Jude: groggy "Seventeen. I was going for an even two dozen but, I kinda forgot–where the tent was." blurring "Hey, why are you guys so fuzzy?" Nikki: "Jude, we're fuzzy because you've lost too much blood!" Jonesy: "Seventeen times! And you couldn't give me one lousy sticker?!?" ---- is comforting a crying Caitlin. Jen: "Are you okay? Do you wanna leave?" Caitlin: "No. I am not gonna let breaking up with him stop me from going places I wanna go." Jen: "Good for you! He's not the only guy out there." Caitlin: "Totally not! I can get any guy I want. He wasn't that cute. And, he had really bad breath." Tad: offended "Um, I'm right here!" ---- Nikki: "Jonesy! You asked Jude to give you a blood donor sticker?" Jonesy: "Yeah, well, but n-yeah, but, see–" Nikki: "You're scared of needles, aren't you!" Jonesy: "No I'm not!" Nikki: "That's it! You're a chicken!" Jonesy: "I don't have to prove anything to you." Nikki: dancing "Chicken! Bawkbawkbawkbawk!" feet hurt again. "Ow, my stupid feet!" picks one up, and a blister bursts, spilling blood onto the table. Jonesy: away "You're bleeding! Your feet are bleeding!" retches. Nikki: "I know, I hate these flip-flops!" Jonesy's reaction "Oh, so that's it. You're not afraid of needles, you're scared of blood." Jonesy: heavily "No I'm not." Nikki: "Oh, well then, look at my foot, Jonesy. If you're not scared of blood, it shouldn't be a problem." her foot in Jonesy's face "Look at my bleeeeeddding, bloody foot." swallows his fear and looks at her foot. He quickly turns away. Jonesy: "Alright! I'm scared of blood, okay? It's my one Achilles tendon." Wyatt: "Achilles heel." Jonesy: "Yeah! Once when I was a kid I got a bloody nose and it just wouldn't stop bleeding and it was bleeding all over my jersey and I tried to stop it but the blood just got everywhere! Ever since then I can't stand the sight of it! What kind of a guy is scared of a little blood?" Jude: "Lots of 'em." looks at him. "I'm scared of blood, I just really like Krunchy Kremes." collapses onto the table. "I think–I gave too much–blood." Nikki: "Yeah, I think so too." him up "C'mon, we're taking you back to the nurse." Jonesy: "How come you guys can all do this and I can't?" Nikki: "Maybe you just have to get it over with. Once you see it's not that bad, you'll get over your fear." Jonesy: "D'you think?" Wyatt: "Yeah. We'll be there for you if you wanna try." Jonesy: himself up "Okay, let's do it! I am going to get that sticker!" picks up Jude's skateboard while Nikki and Wyatt carry Jude to the donation tent. ---- the tent, the nurse is tending to a middle-aged woman who is giving blood. The four arrive. Nurse: sarcastic "Oh good, you're back. Now my life is complete." Nikki: "This is our friend? You let him give blood seventeen times today." Nurse: gasping "Oh, dear. You better lie down." Jonesy: "Who's feeling dumb now?" Nurse: "Listen, smart guy. Are you gonna give blood today or not?" Jonesy: "Yes I am." on the donation table "Hook me up, good woman." looks around the room as the nurse gets her needle ready. He looks at the woman's daughter, than the woman, than the bag of blood. He screams in a high-pitched voice. Jonesy: "AAAAAAHHH!!!" to the little girl "It was her!" Daughter: "Was not!" nurse gets ready to put the needle in. Jonesy: "Guys? I think I need you over here." come over. Nikki: "We're right here, Jonesy." Wyatt: "You can do it, man. Be strong!" Jonesy: "Okay, okay. I can do this." Nurse: "Now, just take a few deep breaths, and this will be over quickly." does as requested. The nurse sticks the needle in, and his blood begins to flow. Jonesy blacks out. ---- world is black. Nurse: "Jonesy? Wake up." Jonesy: sleepily "I'll take the dog out to bed." Nurse: "Can you hear me? Open your eyes." nurse's face swims into view. "There you are." Jonesy: groggy "Mom?" enters his field of vision. "Dad?" Jude: "Du-hoo-hoo-hoode." Jonesy: "AAAAH!" sits up. "What happened?" Wyatt: "You fainted, dude." Jonesy: a sticker on his shirt "Check it out. I did it!" Jude: "There's a sweet doughnut waiting for you at the exit, too." Nikki: "Wow. I've gotta give you credit, Jonesy. You were a massive chicken, but you faced your fears and took it like a baby." Jude, and Wyatt snicker. Nurse: "Don't be embarrassed. Lots of men faint when giving blood." Jonesy: "Really?" Nurse: "No." nurse leads them to the exit, and Jonesy takes his doughnut. Jude: "Can I have another doughnut?" Nurse: "You don't tell anyone about the seventeen pints you gave today, and the rest of the box is yours." Jude: the box "This is the best day of my life!" Pre-teen Girl: "Omigosh! It's the Punticanas flip-flops in aqua!" is looking at Nikki's shoes. "Can I buy those off of you?" Nikki: "But...there's blood on them?" Pre-teen Girl: "That's okay!" Nikki: "You know what? You can have them. I don't care if I get fired. Nothing is worth wearing those." Pre-teen Girl: "EEEEEEEEEEE!!! Thank you!" takes the shoes and leaves. Nikki: "That just gives the words 'fashion victim' a whole new meaning." ---- and Caitlin are shopping inside Albatross and Finch. Caitlin: "These are such good deals! Yay!" Jen: "I know, I'm so psyched about the ponchos! Let's go try them on." Caitlin: "Okay!" stops. "Wait. What if I bump into Tad in there? The first time you bump into an ex is like, so stressful." and Jen look around. Jen: "I don't see him." Caitlin: "He must be in the change rooms. What should I do if I see him?" Jen: "Okay. The key to bumping into an ex is to be really nice to him. Act natural, and then cry when you get home if you need to." Caitlin: "Right. How did you know that?" Jen: "Some movie I just saw." scan their surroundings for Tad. "Okay, coast looks clear. Let's go." girls open the door to the changing rooms just as Tad and Owen are about to come out. Caitlin: "Tad! Hi!" Tad: "Hey." Caitlin: "How's it going!" Tad: "Not bad, how are you?" Caitlin: "Really good. I found my poncho." Tad: "That's great! I'm happy for you." awkwardness of the situation begins to sink in. Tad: "Welp, it was good to see you." Caitlin: "You too! Bye!" Jen: "See you." and Caitlin enter the dressing room, and their recently-acquired exes leave. Caitlin: "That wasn't that bad! I think I'm totally over him." Jen: "See? I knew you would be! Wanna celebrate with some ice-cream sundaes? After we buy our ponchos, of course." Caitlin: "Definitely. Aw, thanks Jen. You've really been there for me these last seven hours. I don't know how I could've survived this breakup without you." Jen: "What are friends for?" hug. Category:Season 2